Forget Dirty Stations, Moscow’s Metro Looks Like Spectacular Palaces
Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus?Â
So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?
Dear Mr. President
There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition.
No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. I didn’t get rich by signing checks. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
How could you?!
Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Inflammable means flammable? What a country. I stand by my racial slur. How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it.
Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds!
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway.
Look out, Itchy!
Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! Save me, Jeebus. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
