Anthonius Janeck goes from prison to punching way to heavyweight greatness

I didn’t get rich by signing checks. Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. Thank you, steal again. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.” I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one.

You wanna drink another woman! Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!

  • And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
  • And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker.
  • …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.

Radioactive Man

…And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.

Homer the Great

How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. D’oh. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

  1. Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.
  2. Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
  3. Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?! He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?! Save me, Jeebus.

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